The Ilford Mystery…

Monday 12th November 2007

On Thursday I came downstairs after a lie-in (I didn’t get up till 6.30) and discovered to my amazement that Aamaa’s son Anil was up and about.

I’ve never seen him get up before 9 or 10, but apparently he was playing in a local football tournament (marrieds vs unmarrieds) so I bundled up all the kids in hats and jumpers and off we went to watch.
The match was fairly uneventful – there were a lot of manly displays of hawking and spitting – I’m not sure how they managed to play half the time!

Unlike the cricket match, which was quite sedate, there was lots of yelling and screaming this time, and they didn’t even stop play when the cows came through – they just kept on playing around them.
However I was utterly mystified by the opposition’s team kit. They all had matching white shirts with ILFORD on the back. It seemed to be a full team set, as they all had different numbers on, but I couldn’t for the life of me figure out where they came from.

Does Ilford even have a football team? Why would anyone buy their complete strip, here in Nepal? It was ever weirder as half of the team in question didn’t have any shoes, which ruined the effect a bit.
There was a total lack of suprise on my part when it became apparent that despite there being over 40 adult males either playing or watching, I, (incidentally the only female in the park) had brought the only bottles of water.

Obviously I’d brought some water for the kids to drink (you know how thirsty kids get) although both teams it turns out were jolly thirsty, what with all the running about and spitting large quantities of their bodily fluids onto the ground etc. I don’t mean to sound sexist but honestly – that many men are planning to compete in a friendly football match and no-one brings any water at all? Common sense anyone? – round one to the women!

So, it may take me a while, but I’m hoping to get to the bottom of the Ilford mystery – I mean I could understand a Man-u or Arsenal strip, but why on earth Ilford?
Maybe they donated some old kits to a charity and they made their way over here?
Who knows.

I had a highly amusing conversation with Biran the other day (he’s about 9 ish).
He’d finished all his work and decided to tell me all his little gems of wisdom.
The conversation went like this:

“Yes Biran”
“America they moon going.”
“That’s right Biran, they did go to the moon. Well Done.”
“You know whales Maya?”
“You know big BIG whales?” (excited face)
“Nepal doesn’t have whales.” (sad face)
“No, Nepal doesn’t have any whales.”
“Maya, in England, you have zoos?”
“Yes we do.”


“Yes Biran?”
“You know this one – fish and man?” (gestures to his legs and chest)
“They’re called Mermaids.”
“Where mermaids live?”
“Um, well they’re not real, only pretend.”
“But there is movie with mermaid and fish and singing.”
“The Little Mermaid? Was it a cartoon Biran?”
“I’m afraid it wasn’t true sweetheart, it’s only pretend.”
“Oh” (crestfallen face).

Bless him, he’s a really hilarious kid – every film we’ve watched so far he either collapses into fits of giggles (literally at ANYTHING) or else has his head firmly under a cushion – often still giggling. He even hid under the cushion during Finding Nemo and Toy Story, (although I agreed with him that the monsters in Scooby Doo were unnecessarily scary!).

I warned him he’d better not watch Jurassic Park at all, but he insisted on staying and spent the whole movie under his cushion giggling – he’s got the most infectious laugh ever!

Anyway, so that’s a bit about Biran and the Ilford Mystery,
hope you’re all well

tons of love
Mystery-solving Maya

ps – I suppose I ought to apologise to any Ilford fans out there who might be offended, but frankly, if your team was any good I’d of heard of them, so clearly they’re crap.
tee hee

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