So, recently something came up.

I had to have a medical for work, in order to travel to Tajikistan, and during the medical, I had a breast exam. And the doctor found a lump.

She told me not to worry about it, it’s almost certainly scar tissue from my breast reduction 20 years ago, no need to panic, just get it checked when I come back from my trip.

So off I went, carefully ignoring the possibility of it being anything scary while desperately checking my boobs (I cannot find this lump ANYWHERE and have been desperately poking and prodding at myself for 3 weeks).

Anyhoo, came back from Tajikistan, saw my GP, who initially couldn’t find it either, and then suddenly went “Oh I see…. there it is”.

She said exactly the same thing as the other doctor, that it’s probably nothing, almost certainly scar tissue, but nevertheless she would like to get it looked at more closely, and so she has put me on a 2-week cancer pathway to book in an ultrasound, and possibly a mammogram after that.

Now I’m all for a fast-track service to ensure you are prioritised and checked out and scanned and assessed as early as possible, and indeed the target is clearly to be seen within 2 weeks which is marvellous – what an amazing healthcare system! But whoever is in charge of naming things at the NHS should be fired immediately. Because while I don’t mind being on a fast-track assessment pathway or a rapid response screening pathway, I absolutely in no way want to be on a cancer pathway.

It just doesn’t fill one with hope and cheer. It sounds like a pathway. That leads to cancer.

So while awaiting this appointment and telling myself It’s All Going To Be Fine because It’s Nothing To Worry About and We Are Not Worrying About This Officially, the unofficial part of my brain keeps reminding me that I have now been put onto a cancer pathway.

So now I still can’t find this lump in my breast, but 2 doctors have found it and want it looked at, and I’m twiddling my thumbs waiting for an ultrasound….

The intervening week between the 2nd Dr’s appt and the hospital scan seemed to drag on FOREVER. Like time literally stopped still and I had time to play out every godawful possible outcome in my head to the very end. I had time to find all my life insurance documents and read them in-depth to see what I am covered/not covered for….

I lay awake at 4am thinking, what if it IS cancer though?

It doesn’t help that my 3-year cervical screening letter arrived in the middle of all this, and the GP also said I was due to go back for another colonoscopy as it has been more than 5 years since the last one, so it feels like I’m suddenly surrounded by “Let’s check you don’t have cancer” appointments…. Hard not to think about cancer ALL THE TIME while waiting for a cervial smear test, or a colonoscopy, or a mammogram…

Thankfully in the end my mammogram and ultrasound were both clear. No sign of any cancer.

It seems that the scar tissue has started to harden with age and become more lumpy and dense but it’s nothing to worry about. Which is an enormous relief, obviously.

But for the love of god someone needs to rename the “2-week cancer pathway” to something far less frightening!

So, to sum up, I have lumpy boobs, but thankfully no cancer.

Phew.