What this adoption process has strongly reminded me of is my periods of unemployment when I was trying to change careers about 10 years ago.

You start out all hopeful and optimistic – I’m great! They’re bound to see that! I’ll apply for LOADS of jobs.

Didn’t get the first job? It’s fine! No worries! Of COURSE you don’t get the first job!

Smiling Smiling, Cheerful applications….

Didn’t get the 2nd/3rd/4th jobs? No worries! It’s fine! It’s normal! Of course you can’t win them all!

Slogging away, applying for everything.

Didn’t get the 10th job? Seed of doubt – is it me? Maybe my CV needs tweaking? Maybe I’m not selling myself enough…

Slogging away at the applications with significantly less enthusiasm….

Didn’t get the 30th job? 50th Job? Oh god what’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t anyone want me? Why aren’t I good enough? Maybe I’m just rubbish at everything, no wonder they don’t want me, I’m USELESS.

No point even applying for jobs anymore – nobody wants me, I don’t have any skills to offer, I’m shit at everything, should probably just crawl under a duvet and watch tv all day.

Welcome to my unemployment spiral. I went through this (at least twice) during my career change, and it’s quite hard to pull yourself out of, to keep going. Relentless optimism will only stretch so far and then you start to run out.

Of course sooner or later, someone takes a punt on you, and your career takes off again, and everything is eventually fine. OBVIOUSLY. But sometimes it’s hard to be in the middle of it.

So after 4 failed matches in the adoption process, I was starting to wonder, the seeds of doubt were trickling in – is it me? Should I re-write my profile? Use different photos? Sell myself harder? Is it just because I’m single or are there other reasons they don’t think I would make a good parent for these children?

Child number 5 that I enquired about was a no-go (already matched), but they have just approached me with Child number 6. Despite using certain language that made me feel a lot like a last resort, it actually seems like it might be a potentially good match. I’m trying not to get too excited about it too early, but it seems surprisingly hopeful and there is definitely potential for this to be my kid! (See, I’m already excited).

To be continued…