May has raced past somehow – I blinked and it’s over!

We had a couple of long weekends, which was nice, and some football, and a coronation, and saw some friends (I finally got to see some of my friends which was LOVELY!).

We organised some belated birthday activities for S, which mainly involved me driving around picking up and dropping off various friends all over Oxfordshire, and S had another catch up with her lovely big brother who we try and see as much as we can and who is just such a sweet and lovely boy.

As I mentioned in April we’ve been managing some challenging behaviour at home lately so I’ve been busy re-reading all my theraputic parenting books and I’ve started another training course (I’ve actually done this course already but re-doing it as a refresher). We are waiting on an assessment to try and get some funding for proper therapy and will see how that goes.

The main things I have taken away from all my reading and training is that

a) I need to be so much more empathetic than I am being. Even when a child is being rude, obnoxious and unbearable, deep down they are screaming out for love and acceptance, and that’s not easy to give in the moment (especially when getting yelled at!). So I need to work on that.

b) I need to work harder not to get sucked into every single fight. Even though I probably walk past 9 fights before I get sucked in to one, I am too keen to explain myself and try to rationalise my actions, which never works. I need to practice using a diffusing phrase like “I’m sorry you feel that way”, or “It must be really frustrating to feel like xxx” which acknowledges the child’s feelings without accepting the premise of the fight. I need to practice this A LOT.

c) I need to remember that a traumatised child’s emotional age isn’t the same as their chronological age. It’s harder to remember with bigger, more mature children, but actually they might be regressing, having toddler tantrums and re-living the parts of their childhood that they didn’t get to have because it simply wasn’t safe to have tantrums when they were 3 or 4. So I need to practise responding to them as if they were 4 and not 12.

d) I need to build in more time for myself and breaks to recharge, so have booked in my lovely sister and my mum to come and babysit for a night here or there so I can go out and have a sleepever with MY friends away from it all!

This of course was all very well and good until poor S had a fall at football practice one night and was brought home by one of the other parents with an extremely painful elbow. So we woke up A (who had only just gone to sleep) and bundled everyone into the car, drove to the hospital (thankfully it’s only 10 mins away!) and spent a couple of hours in A&E. It was all very efficient, she was seen, x-rayed, popped in a sling and given some painkillers and we were out of the door within about 2 hours give or take.

I do love the NHS – all it cost me was £1.40 for the car park so it’s a pretty amazing system all in all.

They couldn’t tell from the x-ray if it was fractured or not so they left her without a cast but told us if it didn’t improve in a week we would need to get a cast put on it. Poor girl was in a lot of pain and very sore so had a day or two at home to rest and recover a little. The next night just as S was tucking up in bed I had a very apologetic call from the ER doctor saying she had shown the x-ray to Radiology and they had confirmed it WAS broken and she needed a cast asap. So off we went back to A&E again at 9pm! Thankfully this time I found a lovely friend who could come and sit in the house while A was asleep so I didn’t need to wake her up and drag her down to the hospital again.

S and I waited around 3 hours this time, as it was busier but it was all really good service, the doctors and nurses were lovely and cheerful and smiley and S was given a temporary cast and an appointment at the fracture clinic the following Monday for another scan and a proper cast. Poor kid was very fed up of being at home and depserately wanted to be back at school but the Dr was very firm – no school until a sturdier cast was on!

My lovely sister came up for a night to look after the girls and I snuck off for a night with my friend V. It was lovely and I felt very naughty sneaking off to enjoy myself, but it was much needed! A fun night of dinner and drinks and catching up with a very old friend was just what I needed! Came home to some angry grumpy tired children who of course wanted to punish me for being away but nevertheless it was wonderful!

I had a nice birthday, turned 42, got spoilt rotten with pressies and the girls were very sweet!

Then two of my besties came to stay for a weekend and cooked me a lovely birthday dinner and threw me an amazing south american fiesta complete with empanadas, margaritas, mini-sombreros, cacti and a pinata! It was so much fun and we had wonderful long weekend hanging out and spending time together.

Half term was busy – S was stuck at home with me as we had to cancel her gymnastics camp but A had swimming lessons every morning and then a holiday camp, so I didn’t manage to start work until 11am! Nevertheless they both enjoyed themselves and we finished off half term visiting my sister in Wales. Busy busy busy!