Some of you are friends of mine on Facebook so will have read most of this already, but for those who are not here’s a little peek into an average week in our lives recently.
Monday
Motherhood aside this week has been all about the hardcore adulting.
Cleaned the debris filter on my washing machine (it was CLOGGED SOLID!) AND I managed to remove the beeping heat alarm to change the battery (though admittedly setting off the alarm in the first attempt – the kid slept through it like the champion sleeper she is).
Tuesday
In the battle of Steph vs Laundry the Laundry is currently winning…
(I mentioned this to my mum friends who laughed and told me that the laundry is always winning…)
Wednesday
Important life lesson:
When you have managed to sneak the giant bouncy unicorn and massive pink ride-on toys out of the house and into the car while the toddler is napping, and then later donated them at the new drive-though donation point, so the kid can’t see you getting rid of them, it’s best to avoid going back to the same second-hand store to shop later in the week, where your kid’s giant bouncy unicorn will of course be out on the shop floor in full view.
#Woops #OhDear #ParentingFail #DontWorryShesFine
Thursday
Need some help from the hive mind:
You’re 23 months old, and you’ve hidden the small TV remote somewhere in the living room.
Where is it?
And go…
*5 hours later I found it in my right welly boot by the front door.
Friday
First night “out-out” since becoming a mum.
Best mate – check.
My mum is babysitting – check,
Double-fisting the gins – check,
Seeing Eddie Izzard live – check.
It was a GREAT night out!
Saturday
Have been trying to work out why my little girl keeps hissing at Tiggy whenever she sees her, especially as she loves the cats.
Then I realised Tiggy has been hissing at her when she gets too close and so I think she’s trying to speak cat!!
Sunday
Our first trip for a little walk in the woods nearby. My toddler can’t speak yet so I’m translating based on my interpretation of her noises and body language.
2 or 3 metres into the woods –
Toddler: “What’s with all these trees? Where’s the car? WHERE’S THE CAR??? Oh god we’re lost, we’re definitely going to die.”
Me: “No it’s fine look we’re exploring. We’ll have a nice muddy stomp in the woods. We’ll look for blackberries. Look what’s that over…. OH SHIT DON’T TREAD ON THAT DEAD DEER’S HEAD!!! URRRGH. SO GROSS. It’s RIGHT THERE. Ok, that’s enough nature. Back to the car.”
Toddler: “Thank god it’s about time. Oh god – WHERE IS THE CAR??”
Me: “Stop panicking, we are not lost. You can literally still see the car park from here.“
Then we had a delightful afternoon tea with some friends followed by:
Me in the car on the way home: “What are you giggling about funny girl? Why are you giggling with your mouth closed like that? That’s a very cheeky look on your face. Wait, what’s in your mouth? Open your mouth! Stop giggling! Seriously, I’m pulling the car over – OPEN YOUR MOUTH RIGHT NOW I’M NOT KIDDING! Why is this making you laugh harder?
Ok, ok, that’s gravel, honey, not sweeties. We don’t suck on tiny bits of gravel that could choke us. Also stuff that has been on the ground in the dirt. Stop laughing it’s really not that funny.”
*pulls back out into the road…
Monday
Walking home from the post office in a torrential downpour, the kid is safely ensconced in the buggy under the rain cover.
Get home, open the front door, drop bag and umbrella, turn round to push the buggy into the house, and discover that at some point on our way home she has removed her wellies and hurled them out of the buggy. How I failed to notice 2 bright red wellies leaving the buggy at speed I will never know. Tried to go back out and look for them but the driving rain forced me back inside. When we went back out later in the car, there was no sign of them, I assume they were washed away in the deluge. Luckily they were hand-me-downs from a neighbour and we have a spare pair!
Had we but world enough and time... 