So, after my 2 weeks of Covid awfulness, and 16 days in isolation with a toddler, I finally really truly did start to feel better.

My symptoms properly went away and I went back to work and the kid went back to nursery. We both had a good week, she loved being back at the nursery and I had a busy week catching up on what I had missed at work and launching a new online/remote training course I had developed.

I actually felt really well, and apart from the odd headache and a little bit of tiredness felt almost completely better and back to myself again.

So we had a good week of freedom back in the real world (well, back in lockdown world where we still can’t see anyone or do anything) – but the point is we were allowed to go outside for solitary walks! In the actual fresh air!

Then of course it all went wrong again.

On Monday, I was feeling really well, and after spending almost the whole of January sitting on my arse or lying down, I feel really unfit and flabby, so I decided to do a 30min HIIT class at home to try and get moving again, and try to kick start my fitness and health again. I lost 3kgs during my Covid period, but have already put 1kg straight back on again and was determined not to lose momentum and I just really wanted to move my body and do some actual exercise. I’d been feeling better for a whole week and taking it slow etc so it seemed ok to do that.

And it was fine! I got all sweaty and actually enjoyed it, though of course my muscles were aching afterwards, as is normal after a month of total inactivity!

On Tuesday, I woke up groggy and really tired, and headachy. I was pretty grouchy with the kid, and after walking her to nursery sat down to do some work and had a really sudden, really severe dizzy spell. I felt like I was on a boat, and everything was moving, and I felt like I was falling. Had to go and lie down in my bed for an hour, then got up and tried again, but sitting up at my desk was just awful, so I went downstairs and flopped on the sofa waiting for it to pass. Eventually it did pass, thankfully in time for my meeting with one of our board members, and then shortly after the call I felt really flushed and hot, and decided to take my temperature. Turns out I had spiked a sudden fever which was worrying.

So I called the doctor to ask what the hell is going on with my body. She said she doesn’t really know but it’s quite common to have post-viral dizzy spells, though the fever was more unusual, and the most likely thing is that my body is still recovering and fighting off the last of the infection. The alternative is that I might have picked up another infection or virus, given that winter bugs do go around and my immune system is pretty weak at the moment, but it seems very unlikely given we’ve only been out in the world for a week and we’ve barely been near anyone!

She said there’s not much to be done except to monitor it and keep an eye out for any new symptoms, and also, did I know that it would count as a new fever, given that I was completely well for a week, and therefore we would need to go back into isolation???

I did not know that.

Fuck.

So I had to hastily arrange for a neighbour to collect my daughter from nursery, and told my boss I’d need some more time off, and got another friend to get some shopping in for us, and basically FUCK we have to isolate for another 10 days!!!

The doctor did say if I take another test and it’s negative we can come out of isolation, but it turns out you can get a “false” positive test for up to 90 days after you’ve had it because your body is so full of antibodies and still virus-shedding and whatnot which can show as a positive result.

So I’ve done another test anyway, just in case it helps, but it’s very unlikely to be negative…

Naturally loads of people have sent me messages to say that the same thing happened to them, they had covid, got better, then tried to exercise and over-exerted themselves and relapsed etc, so apparently post-exertion malaise is a thing, and post-viral fatigue and all sorts of things like random dizziness is common for months after a bad flu etc. So I’m hoping it will just be a blip and if I take it easy for a few days it’ll sort itself out, and I suppose I’ll have to stick to gentle yoga for now if I want to get any exercise…. Which is a shame as I really genuinely enjoyed that HIIT class and wanted to do more of it!

Wednesday I was tired and headachy, and grouchy.

Thursday I was more tired and had an even worse headache, and was grouchy as hell. The poor kid told me off for “not being my friend and not playing with me” which made me cry. Guilt trip from the 3-year old about being a shitty mum on top of everything else. Fabulous. So yeah, I’m tired, pissed-off, fed up, exhausted, wrung-out, emotionally drained, and did I mention grumpy as hell? Poor kid, I’m not fun to be trapped in a house with at the moment, that’s for sure. In the evening I cried a lot and then crawled into bed at 8.30pm, and slept really badly.

Friday I got my test result back – still positive. So no coming out of isolation early, even though it’s unlikely I’m still infectious almost a month after having Covid. Bloody test and trace have already bombarded me with about 6 text messages and emails about staying at home.

I’ve counted up and so far in 2021 we have had 17 days in “normal” lockdown and 19 days in isolation. So we have spent more time isolating than not isolating so far this year.

And this time I am really struggling with it.

We all somehow got through the shitshow of 2020, hanging onto the hope that 2021 would be better. So far it’s been bloody awful, and it’s cold, wet, grey and miserable, it’s dark and depressing, I’ve been horribly unwell and had to deal with it all alone, and I miss people so much now it’s ridiculous. I’m actually really starting to feel properly isolated, not just in the sense that we can’t leave the house, but mentally, and emotionally, just not being allowed to see other people, or touch them for weeks and months on end, it’s so damn hard.

I know the vaccine is coming, and once I finally kick this thing I should in theory have immunity for 6 months or so, and I am already trying to plan some fun things like camping trips and things in the summer to look forward to, though I’m wary of planning stuff in case I’m disappointed once again that it can’t happen…

Basically, everything sucks right now, and I’m so bored and tired and lonely and fed up. I can’t bear the thought of watching any more tv, I haven’t got the energy to do any crafting or quilting, I don’t think I can be bothered to read a book. The kid didn’t eat a single vegetable yesterday and I’m struggling to give a shit about that either. I’m feeling incredibly depressed and sad about it all and it’s hard to find positive things to feel cheerful about.

So yeah, things are not great at our Casa right now.