October was BUSY.

Full of Dr’s appointments and smears and scans, and repressed subconscious dread, and 3am fully conscious dread.

Full of school flu vaccine consent forms and parent’s evenings and “your kid isn’t where we would like her to be in English and Maths but try not to feel like a failure as a parent”, and school fetes and forest school and mysterious insect bites from forest school, and head lice and football matches, and forgotten pe kits that need to be driven to the school asap as there’s an external football match we didn’t know about.

Full of job interviews, and important work projects and external webinars (no my hair is not behaving for that!) and research about visas and moving to France, and meetings with estate agents, and potential house viewings and approving photos and putting the house on the market.

Full of laundry and batch cooking and meal planning and playdates and trawling the city for good-quality second hand bicycles, and “it’s the best quality one that they have who cares if it’s pink?”, and buying new reflectors and lights and bike locks, and putting the bike chains back on when they fall off, and waiting on hold for insurance companies and police reports. Full of Christmas and birthday present shopping to spread the costs out.

Full of pay disputes and union meetings and strike ballots, and absorbing the unfolding horrors of Israel and Gaza.

Full of fighting to access post-adoption support that is sorely needed, full of referrals from one team to another team, to another team, who have already closed our case as we were referred onwards…. Endless phone calls and meetings over and over and over again.

Full of stress, full of hormones, full of angry teenagers shouting and screaming and a very tired parent who can no longer be therapuetic because she is EMPTY. Full of general despair and feeling low and miserable and fed up of literally everything.