So after my previous post on White Fragility, I had decided to try harder to speak out when I heard or saw something happening that I feel is unjust or unfair, especially when related to racial issues.
And I did, and it REALLY sucked.
Even though I have been through the adoption approval process once before, I somehow still thought it would be easier or less slow the second time around.
I first contacted them back in January to re-start the approval process, knowing it would take a few months. Then they asked me to wait until July to start, until my daughter has been with me for 2 years, even though it will still take months to get approved.
Then they contacted me in May to say it was ok to go ahead, so I started it up again, and did another 2-hour interview via Teams.
However they have now decided they want me to wait until I have moved house and my daughter has settled in there before we start.
It’s so frustrating, as it will take around 4 months to get approved, and most of that is red tape and interviews and paperwork, and I literally can’t see ANY reason we couldn’t be doing all that paperwork in the background while I move house.
But instead of feeling annoyed I can only smile politely and say “Yes, sure that’s fine”.
Now that I’ve turned 40, I feel a new sense of urgency, and knowing that I won’t now get approved before Christmas (in all likelihood), and that the matching process could be slow and complicated, it already feels as though I might be 41 before the next child comes along.
I know that once it all happens and the new kid is here, all of this frustration and annoyance at the slow bureaucratic process will disappear, but right now it’s very hard to ignore it!
So I’m trying to focus on the house and getting it all ready and pretend I’m not super annoyed at all the delays….
No one intends to make you feel bad. Mostly, you make yourself feel bad.
All parents like to brag about their kid’s achievements – I know I do. And it’s hard not to offer advice or suggestions to other parents. Which is why, as a parent, you hear things like this a lot:
“Sam was able to write his name when he was two and a half”
“Amelia could swim by 18 months. You know if you leave it too late it’s just SO much harder to teach them to swim.”
“You’re going to need these phonics books, she won’t be learning enough from nursery so you’ll need to do extra reading with her at home.”
“Isn’t she riding her bike yet? Max could ride his when he was 4.”
“You know you really should be organising playdates for her on the weekends. Socialising and social skills are so important especially after this last year of lockdown.”
“Hasn’t she started swimming lessons yet? You’ll want to get her in soon you know before it’s too late.”
“Hasn’t she potty-trained yet? Clara was out of nappies when she was 2”
“Oh you should try drama classes – my kids just LOVED them. They’re on every Saturday”
“Gosh is she still not sleeping through the night? Kay was sleeping through from 6 weeks”
“You must get her into some dance classes or gymnastics classes – I’m surprised you’ve not done that already, she’s got such natural grace she’d love dancing.”
Well after all the excitement my buyer pulled out….
I was hoping against hope that we could still find a buyer before I lose the other house, but I have no idea, and there is literally nothing I can do about it.
It’s all a bit frustrating after such a fast start (putting my house on the market and then having an offer within 3 days!).
Still, there is nothing much to be done except hope for the best and try to keep the place as tidy as I can manage….
Thankfully after the house went back on the market the interest slowly picked up again, and there were some viewings over the weekend and I got another offer yesterday.
It’s a huge relief so I’m just hoping that nothing else will put a spanner in the works at the moment. Hoping if it all goes well we can still aim to move by late July/early August.
There’s an awful lot of ducks we need to get in a row, but it will all be worth it in the end I’m sure…