Revenge of the Machines…

Thursday 18th June 2009

So, as I believe I have mentioned several times in the past, I am a bit of a technophobe. I have a weird natural magnetism that seems to destroy anything electrical I touch or sometimes even just sit near.
I have so far killed several computers, often whole rooms of them at a time, numerous clocks and watches, my mum’s new electric mower, two microwaves, a handful of smaller electrical items such as phones, digital cameras, ipods, and many other items of technology.

And now, finally, the machines are striking back, with lethal force.

Allow me to tell you what happened to me last Saturday. I had a very scary near-death experience , and if I had in fact died, it would have been the most random and bizarre death EVER. Continue reading

The Latrine of Doom…

Tuesday 9th June 2009

Hello hello again everyone!
Firstly, thanks for all my lovely birthday messages! I had a great birthday weekend, I went for a lovely meal with some friends and had a very relaxing day!

Now, on to the much more exciting stuff!
I have just got back from Kajo Keji, a small town just next to the border with Uganda, which is beautiful! It’s very lush and green, and most people seem to consider it more Ugandan than Sudanese. We even had to change all our money into Ugandan shillings, even though we are still in Sudan. It’s much cooler down here, and quite hilly, and we’ve had some incredible thunderstorms. Continue reading

The Hounslow Triangle

Thursday 7th May 2009

Hello everyone!
Here is the first of my African blogs!

However, before I describe my first impressions of Africa, I’ll have to tell you what a drama I had getting there!
My flight was on Friday, at 9.35pm, and I was due to fly to Addis Ababa in Ethiopia and connect to Juba in South Sudan on Saturday morning.
Having gone through the usual tedious process of Heathrow security, I was reading my book, waiting for them to display the gate number, when a voice on the tannoy system announced “Could all passengers on the Ethiopian Airlines flight to Addis Ababa please go directly to the transit desk.”
Hmmmm, it didn’t sound good. Continue reading

Whatever happened to romance?

Tuesday 7th April 2009

Hello again everyone,
The last couple of weeks have been really busy as usual, but also really quite surreal too!

(Before I get started I should attach a small health warning to this email. There will be some strong language, sexual references and absolute proof that men are evil nasty arseholes. My apologies about the foul language – there’s plenty more to come, so anyone likely to be offended may want to stop reading! I have edited my list of recipients so hopefully anyone likely to be really offended will get sent an alternative, less-offensive version of this email!)

First things first, (I’ll start off with the unoffensive bits!) 2009 is a very interesting year, as I’ve just discovered. I watched a documentary the other day about the Exxon Valdez oil spill, which I think is the largest oil spill North America has ever seen, although I don’t know if it was the biggest in the world. This year is the 20th anniversary, and just last year the people of Valdez finally got their settlement from Exxon – £12,000 per person after 20 years of fighting, and they’re still living with the aftermath. Continue reading

The Hot Pirate

Tuesday 17th March 2009

Hello again,
Time for another update….

The Financial Management course lost it’s appeal rather quickly I’m sad to say (not that any of you will be surprised!).
It was actually all quite interesting, but pretty hardcore, doing finances 9-5 every day for three weeks! It’s also getting towards the end of term, so everyone’s completely exhausted!

However now we’ve moved onto an exciting new module called “Technical Support”, which is mostly about logistics and water/waste management – surprisingly interesting considering most of it is about how to dig a proper latrine! We’ve also learnt how to calculate “sludge accumulation rates” to assess how long it will be before you’ll need to dig a new pit!

My love life remains fairly boring, but I have recently discovered that Liverpool has quite a few hot guys, and I have been busy appreciating the view as usual!
I went to a party a couple of weeks ago, which was really fun and I met loads of nice new people. There were also several gorgeous guys there, which was great, and I was spoilt for choice between Hot English Guy, Hot Spanish Guy, Hot Scottish Guy and Hot Nigerian Guy!
Sadly, (and rather typically), as the night went on, I spent lots of time moving around chatting to people, and then Hot Nigerian guy left, Hot Scottish guy turned out to be madly in love with someone else, I’m pretty sure Hot Spanish guy was gay, and then Hot English guy got drunk and passed out on the sofa!

I really shouldn’t be at all surprised, but there we go!

Then last Saturday I went out with a few friends for a girl’s night, and the most random thing happened! My flatmate S and I were in a club, and I suddenly noticed a bunch of guys dressed up as pirates standing behind her. One of them was really quite fit, so I just said to S “Hey look! There’s a really hot pirate standing behind you”, and she promptly turned around, and said to the guy “Hi, this is my friend Maya” and then walked away!
It was actually a stroke of genius, as I got chatting to Hot Pirate, (who was GORGEOUS by the way), and he turned out to also be quite nice and interesting too. (What are the chances, a nice guy, who’s interesting and gorgeous???).
So we chatted for a while, and then he kissed me, (I don’t think I could actually be more swept off my feet at this point!).
I won’t bore you with the details of the rest of the evening, except to say that he was a perfect gentleman and asked for my number before seeing me into a cab!

So, having finally met the perfect man (26, gorgeous, nice, interesting, and likes to dress up as Johnny Depp on the weekends!), I predictably spent the whole of the next week thinking about him and did not spend a lot of time working on my 3,500 word essay on strategic financial planning (seriously, do you blame me??).

We exchanged text messages throughout the week, although I suddenly found myself completely unable to actually write a text message without consulting at least 4 people on what I should say, and precisely what time of evening I should send it, etc. It’s been sooooo long since I’ve been anywhere near actual dating that I am totally hopeless and pathetic and can’t seem to reply to a text without calling 6 people to ask if they think he likes me (I know, very sad!).

Thankfully, I have good friends with sensible advice, and after several long chats, most people agreed that I should just go ahead and ask him if he wanted to meet me for a drink. It was all a bit much, but I eventually did.
Unfortunately he replied that he’s just broken up with his girlfriend and isn’t really ready to start seeing other people, but I actually wasn’t that upset about it, as it was just such a relief to finally know whether or not he was interested! I have subsequently developed a new-found respect for men, given that they generally do the asking-out, as it’s nerve-wracking and exhausting! Also, I found that once all the weirdness of trying to flirt was taken out of the equation, we got on really well and ended up chatting for ages after that!

So,there’s a tiny possibility that he may one day decide he’s over his ex, and that I’m the perfect woman, but I’m pretty sure my hot pirate was just too good to be true, (although you never know!).
In the meantime I think I’ll just have to keep looking…..
It may be hard to find another man who can live up to the pirate though!

So, as for my upcoming trip to Sudan, I’ve been extremely busy getting passport photos taken and filling in visa application forms, and health and safety risk assessment forms (which are hilarious by the way – I have to rate the likelihood of a volcanic eruption, chemical dusts, and glaciers, crevasses and ice falls! I also had to say whether or not there was a risk of “desert”!). I’ve also been getting vaccinated against Hepatitis, Meningitis C, A, Y and W and Rabies etc. The rabies vaccine is actually quite cool – you have to have a series of 3 injections over 4 or 5 weeks, and the vaccine is bright neon pink! It looked seriously radioactive.

Unfortunately, as many of you will have seen on the news, the International Criminal Court (ICC) have announced their decision to issue a warrant for the arrest of President Omar Hassan al-Bashir, of Sudan for committing war crimes in Darfur. It’s quite the historic occasion, as the ICC has never issued an arrest warrant for a sitting head of state before. However it’s not exactly clear who is planning to enforce the warrant and actually arrest him! The Sudanese Government aren’t a signatory to the ICC, and therefore don’t recognise their decisions, so they have no plans to cooperate in the near future, but that’s hardly a surprise!

However the Sudanese Government have also just chucked about 13 NGO’s out of Darfur. It’s a huge shame, as obviously the NGO’s have nothing to do with the ICC, but nevermind. All of which makes things a bit complicated for me! CHF, the organisation I’m planning to go with, have also been ejected from Darfur and Khartoum, but they still have an office in Juba, where I’m planning to go. The government have issued a statement to say that all of the NGO’s in the South can stay and continue operations as normal, but that could all change at any time. So, CHF have asked me to postpone my trip until things calm down a bit, which is reasonable given the circumstances. However, it also means that in case it all falls through, I’ll have to come up with a plan B. I’m also now getting quite pressed for time, as I only have a limited window of time when I can conduct my research in the field. So, I’m working on a back-up plan, although the worst-case scenario is that I’ll have to stay in Liverpool and do a desk study instead. However I may still get to go to Sudan in May if things start settling down a bit – keep your fingers crossed!

In the meantime, along with the million other things I have to do, there’s a 2,500 word fundraising proposal to write for next Monday, and then a 5,000 word essay on the role of the “military logistics machine” in humanitarian aid work, due two weeks later! In amongst all that I also have to go to a friend’s birthday dinner this week, and another friend’s Beach-themed Party on Friday.
No rest for the wicked….

So, that’s all my news for the time being,
hope you’re all well and happy,

tons of love
Pirate Maya
xxx

ps – for those of you who may not have heard yet, my big sister just got engaged to her lovely boyfriend! We are all thrilled for them both, obviously! However it does sometimes make me think: My brother is married with three beautiful children and my sister has been married and is now engaged, while at 27, I’ve only just managed to get up the courage to ask someone out by text message…..
I suspect I was at the back of the queue when God was handing out dating skills! Ah well, you never know, next time I meet a nice guy, I may actually get as far as a whole phone call…….

Jargon Balls…

Wednesday 11th February 2009

Hello there my lovelies,

Yes, that’s right, it is indeed time for another exciting installment of Maya’s life – hope you’re ready for it!

Let’s see, where to begin….. well, my friend Dee took me to a beginner’s tango class with her last week, which I actually really enjoyed (it’s fairly slow to start with, so I found it easier to learn the steps!). Dee was away this week, so I dragged my flatmate Misiri along with me instead, and she loves it too. Also I’m proud to say that after only my second class, the teacher said I was good enough to stay on with the advanced group! I learned the salida and the ocho and I am tres chuffed!

Also this week there was a vintage fair at the student union, where I bought some gorgeous jewellry and a fabulous 70’s nylon dress, which you’ll soon be getting pictures of!

School continues at a very fast pace with all sorts of dramas along the way (naturally). Having almost completely confirmed my placement in Sudan with an NGO called CHF, I got an email from FAO (UN) out of the blue telling me they have gotten me security clearance to go with them! All a bit of a nightmare, as I seem to have accidentally double-booked myself, but it’s almost all fixed now – hopefully!

So, the advanced tango class want me, and CHF and FAO want me – clearly I’m very desirable!

In other news, we have started a new module this week – “Practical Financial Management for NGO’s”. Sounds thrilling doesn’t it?
However, it’s surprisingly good! It’s a 4 week training course run by MANGO, a group who specialise in NGO financial management training, and they are really good. Their tagline is “taking the fear out of finance”, and it’s geared towards people who work in the field and don’t know much about finance.
They completely won me over on the first day – we came into class on Monday morning, and they had some lovely west African music playing, and on each desk we had a manual, workbook, and loads of free stuff! I got a MANGO pen, a calculator, and a notepad – I’m such a sucker for free stuff!
Also they gave us each an orange foam stress ball ( a “jargon” ball), and said any time they used any acronyms or financial jargon and didn’t explain what it meant then we should throw the balls at them! It was really fun, although suffice to say that despite being a class full of mature masters students, when given a bunch of foam balls the room quickly descended into something resembling kindergarten at breaktime!

So, I am now surprisingly comfortable using words like “budget” and “cost centers” and “internal control” and even “accruals”, although it took me a while to get my head around that one! I’m still not entirely sure what “imprest” means, but I like the sound of it, and may start trying to use it in sentences more often! We have also been busy re-learning English, as words like “cash” in the phrase “cash accounting” can also include cheques and debits, and “receipt” can mean all sorts of things, like the bit of paper you get when you buy something, or money coming into your account – crazy! 🙂
So, turns out accounting isn’t so scary, and we even had a go in our workbooks, totalling up the petty cash, transferring it into our cashbook and general ledgers, then reconciling it with the bank statements and commitments – it’s like, totally awesome.

Anyhoo, enough about the thrilling world of accountancy – we have to do a financial risk assessment case study next week, and then create a budget, by which time I may be curled up in a small ball mumbling “external audit…..procurement policies…..separation of duties……unggh”

I am also busy writing a full fundraising proposal for an assessment which has to include an imaginary project which I have now created, complete with it’s own GANTT chart and LogFrame (bet you all wish you had jargon balls to throw at me now!). I have also prepared a presentation for tomorrow’s class on corruption in the sector, and the ethics committee liked my research proposal – I have to make a few small changes, but I essentially got the green light from them to go ahead with my research – so yay!

Basically, I’m a very busy little bee at the moment, but still loving the course, and enjoying Liverpool a lot – I finally managed to go to a few museums last week too. I saw the International Slavery Museum, which was ok, but frankly not very international, and mostly about Liverpool. I also went to the Tate Liverpool, which was awesome – a whole exhibition of William Blake, plus a 20th Century art exhibition full of Degas, Cezanne, Matisse, Picasso, Dali, Warhol and loads of other great stuff.

All in all, I’m doing pretty well, and have also recently discovered Neighbours On Demand on the internet, so I can satisfy my soap addiction by watching an entire month of Neighbours in one go! Brilliant!

I hope you’re all well, and have a great Valentine’s Day. I am heading down to Brighton at the weekend, to visit my friend O, who I haven’t seen for YEARS! We are planning to get dressed up and hit the town for Valentine’s day and generally enjoy ourselves a lot. Plus it’s an excuse to wear my fabulous new vintage dress. For those of you who enjoy my slightly odd fashion sense, I can tell you that my new dress is long, circa 1978 and made of stretchy nylon/polyester. It’s also brown with big green and orange flowers on and it smells of grandmothers and I LOVE IT! You’ll just have to appreciate that mental image until I have some pictures to go with it!

that’s it for now,
lots of love to all of you,
Sought-After Maya
xxx

p.s. – Am I in fact wearing your granny’s old curtains? Find out next time………..