Category Archives: UK

Transitions…

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Transitions tend to be tough for adopted children (and a number of neurodivergent kids too for that matter).

After a reasonably calm summer holidays, the start of term has been BUMPY. And ROUGH.

S has had to get to know an entirely new set of teachers (only 1 of her teachers from Year 7 is still her teacher this year, leaving around 14 new staff that she has to get to know and make them like her, which is exhausting for her emotionally). Friendships were somewhat rocky at the end of last year and she now has to repair and mend various relationships.

All of which leads to a delightful, engaged, helpful, lovely child at school and an angry, sullen, pissed-off teenager at home. It ALL comes out at home, mostly directed at me, right in my face, all the time, and it’s pretty hard work.

Reasons I have been yelled at in the last two weeks include:

  • Buying the wrong type of sweetcorn for dinner
  • Suggesting she might want to wear tights as she was cold the day before and the weather has turned chilly
  • Not doing the laundry fast enough or correctly
  • Buying her the wrong blazer/shoes/tights/skirts/hair bands/deodorant etc
  • Asking her if she would like me to make her breakfast, getting a grumpy “I’m not hungry!” response, and then not making her breakfast
  • Gently reminding her to do her homework
  • NOT reminding her to do her homework in a timely manner, so it’s my fault it didn’t get done

She is always very apologetic and remorseful after the yelling and rudeness but it gets hard to manage when it’s so relentless. After a week or so of gliding over these incidents I started to really lose my temper too, and the apologies get less and less meaningful when she says sorry and then is immediately rude again 2 mins later.

The aggression and anger builds up and gets worse, and now thanks to a huge teenage tantrum I have 2 broken shelves in my brand new fridge and I am pretty pissed off and angry myself about it all.

Hoping things will ease up soon but it’s pretty grim and miserable just at the moment.

The part I find hardest is being the grown up and forgiving and forgetting – right now I’m too angry and upset to just forgive and move on – I know I will eventually get over it, it’s just a bit of plastic, it’s just a fridge, it doesn’t really matter, but I’m just not capable of shaking these things off that quickly. I wish to god I was. Of course I can order new shelves, I can fix it, it’s not the end of the world. But I’m upset and angry and pissed-off and I don’t want to just forgive it. I just dont feel like it.

And being a parent means you have to anyway.

And it sucks.

August

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Holiday mode in full swing!!

First week of August we went camping with a bunch of friends. It was wet and damp and windy mostly, but the sun came out occasionally. The kids loved it in spite of the weather (they always do because camping is fun!) and we packed in a lot. This year I brought S’s friend along as at 12 she is quite a bit older than the other kids and needed someone her own age to entertain her. Adding in more children means more stuff and less space in the car so we got a towbar fitted and borrowed a friend’s trailer. It was my first time driving with a trailer so I was a bit nervous but actually now I feel like a superhero after loading up the trailer and roofbox all by myself and driving it there and back! Feeling like an extremely capable goddess at the moment…

We were forced to spend a wet, grim day out at the Tank Museum, because a) it was dry and indoors and b) nothing says a family camping holiday like a realistic war simulation (yes there were actual trenches too). We also spent a wet rainy morning seeing the Barbie movie at the cinema (which was fab), and another damp and windy day out at the arcade on the seafront!

We also got a couple of decent sunny-ish days at the beach for sandcastles and frolicking and digging giant holes etc. Only a few minor strops and grumps from the children. The best one was when the exhausted and over-excited 5-year old handed me her enormous ice-cream cone and screamed into my face “Mummy it’s YOUR FAULT it’s MELTING!! STOP MAKING MY ICE-CREAM MELT SO FAST!!! IT’S ALL ON MY HAND!!!” and then she ran away screaming hysterically and had to be coaxed back to finish eating said ice-cream.

Another hilarious moment from my friend’s son: “Mummy you have to buy this cereal it’s so yummy” “Well I did buy it once and you refused to eat it, you wouldn’t even try it” “THAT’S BECAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS DELICIOUS!! YOU NEVER TOLD ME!!”

We made it home in once piece and after unloading we started all the washing of the clothes and the children… I’ll be catching up on laundry for at least 2 weeks but it was worth it!

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Menopause

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Many of you will know I started this year reading “Menopausing” by Davina McCall and Dr Naomi Potter, and was stunned by how little information is out there on menopause. Given that it is something that ALL women will go through in their lifetime, (assuming they live past their 40’s) there is so little research, information and understanding on it.

It is still not a compulsory part of GP training in the UK, despite various campaigns to change that, and many GP’s mistake menopausal symptoms for depression, so women all over the place are being prescribed anti-depressants instead of oestrogen. The symptoms are so vague and wide-ranging that it is hard to pin-point what’s one thing or another. The tests are irritatingly inconclusive. Almost a million women in the UK alone have had to leave the workforce prematurely because of menopausal symptoms being untreated and unrecognised in the workplace.

I heard a lot of “Don’t be ridiculous, you’re far too young for menopause” (1 in 100 women will go into menopause under 45), but it’s just so hard to KNOW for sure. Think about the symptoms for a minute:

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Meeting birth parents…

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So in June this year I met A’s birth mum.

It was a one-off meeting, organised through social services, in a structured meeting in a neutral place, facilitated by social workers. It’s a meeting I have been asking for and trying to organise for almost 4 years (since A first came home to me).

Why do it?

Lots of reasons. For birth parents it can bring closure and reassurance that they can feel they know the person who will be raising their child. It can give them an opportunity to share some of their history and past, or details about the pregnancy and birth of the child, and to present themselves as a complex human being rather than being seen as a series of unfortunate events/failures written up in social services reports.

For me, it was an opportunity to find out more about A’s birth father, as there was almost nothing at all in the reports to go on. It was a chance to ask about family medical history, any heriditary diseases or issues I might need to know about.

But most importantly, it was an opportunity for me to get to know A’s birth mum as a person.

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June

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Well June was a busy one! Strap in!

At the start of June we saw the dreaded cast come off S’s broken elbow and a couple more follow-ups for x-rays and so on. But thankfully she has healed incredibly quickly and incredibly well. S was FINALLY allowed to go back to doing sports and PE and football etc by the end of the month, which was a relief to both of us!

S decided she would like to join me doing the ration challenge and help support refugees so we agreed she could do it on the weekend with me for the last 2 days. It would be hard for her to manage at school and also she’s a bit young to do it for a whole week, but I am so proud of her for setting herself such a difficult challenge!

You’ll have seen my daily diaries of the ration challenge by now no doubt, and she didn’t quite manage the full 2 days but it was a really valiant effort! I enjoyed my challenge again this year though my stomach and digestive system were struggling by the end! There’s not a lot of fibre in rice! But between us we raised $2,822 AUD for charity and to support refugees so we are both very pleased!

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Day 7 – Sunday 25th June

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Last day! Thank goodness! This last couple of days has been HARD.

I woke up this morning feeling bloated and uncomfortable and not at all hungry. Very glad it’s the last day!

I did a slightly more vigorous workout this morning to try and feel a bit better, and then S and I had rice and lentil soup for brekkie. Forgot to take a picture though.

Neither of us were very hungry at lunch so we just ate a bit of hummous and flatbreads.

The afternoon was busy – we went swimming and the girls had playdates.

S did incredibly well and held out almost to the end of her 2 days. She did all of Saturday and most of Sunday but ended up giving in at dinnertime as she had 2 friends over and they were having pizza for dinner so it was fair enough really. She felt bad but I think she tried really hard and has done really well overall.

I wasn’t very hungry in the evening either so I had a mini bowl of lentil soup and the last few empanada type things with the rest of the bean dip and leftover hummous.

In the evening I polished off the fruit tea and had my last mini glass of wine. I had a litlte more rice and soup later on as a snack.

There is LOADS of rice left in the fridge this time around (partly because I cooked S’s rations too) so will be eating a fair bit of rice next week too.

Overall it was a hard week but not as hard as I found it last year.

I think next year I would definitely make my little samosa/pasty/empanadas again, and I would also spread out some of my non-ricey meals a bit more evenly throughout the week. Chicken stock was a game-changer too.

Overall, S and I have jointly raised $2,822 AUD for refugees, and we are pretty proud of our achievement. That’s another ration challenge finished and over until next year….

Day 6 – Saturday 24th June

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Today I woke up HUNGRY. And grumpy. Not a great combo as a single parent…. I’m never my best in the morning and being hangry as well as not ideal.

S and I both had a bowl of rice with lentil soup (soupy rice really) and a cup of tea.

Then S had football so we headed off for that with some snacks for the little one to eat, and came home RAVENOUS so we made flatbreads with hummous and a couple more little samosa things, with a little beany sauce to dip them in.

I am so pleased I saved the best meals to the end – the hummous and flatbreads were AMAZING and such a nice change from rice both in terms of flavour AND texture. Much-needed at this stage in the week.

Dinner was more soupy rice, but the lentil soup is actually lovely and very filling and comforting to eat too. S has raised enough money for a vegetable so she had sweetcorn with hers and I had chorizo and spring onion with mine.

In the evening we made some more rice crackers as we were both still a bit hungry. And I had another glass of fruit tea and another 100ml of wine!

We are both already planning our meals next week and choosing things we really fancy to eat (FRUIT! Vegetables! Pizza! Pasta!) so I need to do a shop tomorrow. Only one more day to go.

As with last year, this challenge really makes me reflect on how hard it is for refugees.

Doing just a week is hard, imagine 5 years of this?

Also realising I am so lucky I can prep my meals in advance, store them in a fridge, reheat in the microwave later, use my blender to make the mixture for rice cakes, and bake them crunchy and crispy in my oven.

But imagine doing this challenge with no fridge, no oven, no blender, no microwave, just a tent and a single camping stove / hob burner to cook on. How much harder would it be to only cook what you need for each meal without being able to prep or store cooked food?

Food for thought indeed….

Day 5 – Friday 23rd June

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Tiny bit sluggish again this morning but I slept really well and had really vivid dreams!

Had a bit more of my sugar ration (half a teaspoon) in my tea this morning as well as some milk so I had a really nice cuppa to start off my day! I’ve got enough milk and sugar for a proper cup of tea on Saturday and Sunday too.

Managed a bit of a workout, nothing too energetic, and have lost 1kg so far on this challenge. Suspect it’ll be 2kgs by the end of the week but we’ll see.

Had a late brekkie of rice and water. I cooked my rice last night with both chicken stock and turmeric so it’s a lovely bright yellow and very cheerful. The colour (and flavour) helps with the monotony of rice! Tiny drizzle of beannaise sauce on it but trying to save the rest if I can.

Then I prepped our hummous for the weekend! Soaked mine and S’s chickpeas overnight, (as she is doing the challenge with me over the weekend so she has the same ration of chickpeas), then boiled them for an hour and whizzed in the blender with some oil and water and garlic powder etc.

And here is our finished tubs – two for me for Sat and Sunday and two for S.

For lunch I stir-fried some more of my cheerful bright yellow rice with some oil, chorizo, spring onions and spices. And a glass of cold fruit tea.

I also ate some of my fruit ration – a tiny bit of pomelo! 50g of fruit really isn’t much at all!

I ate the same for dinner (fried yellow rice) but forgot to take a picture!

I have also earned another treat – a hot or cold drink of my choice up to 330ml, so as it’s Friday night I’ve chosen wine and decided to have 110ml for the next 3 nights as a treat. I also made some more rice crackers – definitely need to perfect my recipe though!

This evening I did some more cooking and made up a double rice portion and a double portion of lentil soup for me and S over the weekend. She has football tomorrow morning so I wanted to make sure there was plenty cooked and ready for her to eat before her match and after we get home! She is doing really well and has raised over $500 AUD so she has also earned a vegetable as well as milk and spices etc. She’s chosen sweetcorn as her veg.

This year, just like last year, I am surprised that I haven’t cheated at all. Last year I felt sure at some point in the week I would crack and eat a tiny piece of chocolate or something, but I never did, and this year I had the same thought in my head. I obviously want to try and do the challenge properly, having raised all those funds, but part of me never really thinks I will succeed. And just like last year I am pleasantly surprised that I have not yet slipped up or caved in!

It’s sobering watching all my prepped rations in the fridge and little bags of rice and flour in the cupboard slowly dwindle and diminish. I know I will have enough to get through til Sunday night, and of course I can eat what I like on Monday too, but I imagine it must be so frightening to have to stretch your rations for a month and getting to the last week, wondering if you’ll have to go without for a couple of days if you run out before the next food distribution. Or what if the NGO is late with the distribution? I know first hand that these things happen, trucks break down or bridges are impassable, but to be a refugee waiting on food that doesn’t arrive must be unbearable.

Day 4 – Thursday 22nd June

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Day 4 started off well.

Had a nice cup of tea with milk (no sugar today) and did my pilates workout. I’ve lost a kilo so far this week.

We harvested our first strawberries from the garden today, which of course I couldn’t eat but the girls informed me they were delicious! I also picked some tiny ripe chillis from my chilli plant.

Then I had a small bowl of rice with some beannaise sauce mixed in and a cup of black tea for my breakfast.

Lunch was another stir-fry with spring onion and chorizo but I used a bit more oil this time so it was a bit greasy but still good – lots more spices added to make it taste nice! I also tried a little experiment – I made a tiny pasty/samosa with a bit of my bean burger mixture and some spices, beannaise sauce and some leftover flatbread dough – it was DELICIOUS!!

I definitely want to make that again soon!!! Will make a smaller burger tonight so I have some leftover mixture to use. Mmmmm

Dinner was another lentil and bean burger with flatbreads and ketchup – very delicious!

In the evening I was bit hungry so I had some more fruit tea in a wine glass and a little rice.

One way I have found to help get through the day without snacking is to drink lots of water and tea. I feel VERY well hydrated! But then I think about refugees with rations who also have limited access to water and how much harder it is for them.

Act for Peace, the charity I am raising money for, have released a video of some Syrian refugees showing how long THEY have been eating rations for and it’s powerful to see. For me I only have 3 days left but for them it’s indefinite.