Adoption prep part 2 and 3

I have now finished my adoption prep training, and I must say there was a lot of useful stuff in there. I mean, don’t get me wrong, not all of the social workers were natural facilitators, and one of them in particular had a tendency to read aloud the text on every single powerpoint screen, and speak in a very patronising tone (I suspect she is so used to speaking in a cheery, slow voice to children that she’s forgotten how to address functional adults).

However, I got some real insight into the adopted child’s perspective of the world, and how I might need to adapt my parenting style to their needs. Continue reading

Reflections and Preparation

The Reflections Workshop

The Reflections Training in the end wasn’t as bad as I thought it might be.

It was interesting to learn the reasons people adopt, beyond the obvious failed IVF/Infertility. For example, I discovered that some couples had already had a child, and an difficult birth/emergency hysterectomy meant they couldn’t have any more. Some couples had tried surrogacy instead of IVF, and some hadn’t bothered with IVF at all, just tried naturally for a while and then decided to adopt.

I was the only single adopter there, which rather threw off the groups a bit (“get into pairs and….. oh, also one of you will be a three….”), but it was fine. I quickly realised there are things I will have to consider that other people won’t, as all of the couples will have each other in the house for support during a crisis. I’m going to have to get friendlier with my neighbours instead, as I don’t have many close friends or family living nearby for help in an emergency. Most of the couples blew past this, assuming if there is a crisis one of them can support while the other deals with it, etc. It’s making me realise how lucky couples are to have someone else always there to help, to give each other breaks, and how much harder it will be for me, to be on my own all of the time coping with each disaster as it comes along. Continue reading

How much does it cost to adopt in the UK?

In theory, nothing.

Except that of course that’s not really the case.

There are no official fees to pay, but there are some other related costs, which I thought I would keep track of here, more for my own curiosity than anything else, and in case anyone out there thinking of adopting is curious. Obviously if you were adopting overseas there are often lots of costs and fees (I don’t know what they are, I have merely heard this on the grapevine). Therefore this summary is merely based on my experience of an adoption process in the UK, and I should stress that these costs so far are very low and relatively minor. Continue reading

A year in the life of a potter…

Well, I started my first pottery classes in January 2017, and at my class last Monday I reflected how far I have come.

Here’s my very first efforts from last January/February:

Even though it has been a year, I still make fairly wobbly things, and so each week when you come into the class, the first thing you tend to do is search the shelves for your pieces to see if they have been bisque-fired or glaze-fired etc.

There are some people who are BRILLIANT and make perfect things, and so usually I’m searching through all the perfect things looking for the slightly wibbly ones which are likely to be mine.

So last Monday, I was searching through the shelves, lifting up all these perfectly-round bowls to see if my wobbly ones were underneath. I searched and searched, and at some point, I lifted up a really good bowl, and was shocked to realise my stamp was on it!

I was so surprised to realise that my bowls are actually pretty damn circular!

Very chuffed indeed, and I may just have to keep some of these for myself…. just hoping the glazes come out looking alright!

Pork Stroganoff

Felt like trying something new, and a friend had recently been talking about a mushroom stroganoff, so I had a little browse for recipes and decided to try this one out.


Very simple, quick and easy, and utterly scrumptious. I prefer it with rice instead of mashed potato, and my favourite is a mixture of brown rice and wild rice, which goes really well with this.

Funnily enough I hardly ever cook with pork, (aside from bacon or sausages) as I have memories from school of eating incredibly tough and chewy overcooked pork stir-fries and stews, so never really loved it that much. However the nice thing about this recipe is that it’s quick, but cooking the pork first allows it to rest and tenderise before eating it – it was really tender and juicy! Continue reading

The Fraud

So here’s a very interesting thing that happened to me during my recent work trip to Berlin.

I bumped into a LOVELY woman who I worked with a few years ago. We were close buddies for a while until she moved away, and although we aren’t in touch very often, and don’t see each other much (she moved to New York and I am in Oxford), the minute we saw each other we jumped up and down and squealed and hugged and nattered away at each other as if she never left.

(Actually that’s not quite true – the minute we actually saw each other, the conference had already started, so we discreetly nodded to each other in a totally professional manner, and then in the first morning coffee break we dashed over to each other and squealed and hugged and jumped up and down etc). Continue reading

Berlin Work Trip

This week I went on a quick little trip to Berlin, for a 2-day conference/learning event.

It was really interesting, and I was able to catch up with lots of ex-colleagues who have moved on to other agencies, and I haven’t seen in a while.

Basically, the conference was interesting, I learnt a lot, and I got to hang out with some really awesome people, including one old friend who I haven’t seen for years, and who I had no idea would be there, which was a lovely surprise!

Sadly I flew in on Tuesday night, and flew out on Thursday night, so had EXTREMELY limited time to hang out in funky groovy Berlin, but here’s a very tiny taste of what little I did manage to do!

Firstly, at the train station, there was this. In the UK, these type of industrial water towers are concrete and graffiti – but in Berlin they are COOL.

Continue reading

Reality Check…

Well, I have had my official Stage 1 meeting (in December), and I have been given a long list of homework to do in the next 2 months, including:

  • Read at least 3 books from the reading list
  • Complete a family tree
  • Create a chronology of my life (including every address I have ever lived at….)
  • Fill in the DBS forms for a criminal records/background check
  • Complete some e-learning courses
  • Create an Ecomap of my support network
  • Complete a household safety checklist
  • Obtain criminal records checks from any country I have lived in for over 6 months (THAT could take a while…)
  • Get 3 references
  • Have a full medical

The more reading and e-learning I am doing, the more I am starting to more deeply reflect on the process, what is involved, and the impact of adoption is starting to sink in.

It’s almost like they’ve done this before. (No seriously, I must say well done to the Local Authority for such a well-planned process so far, and it really feels like it is all very logical and well-thought out etc).

What is interesting is that starting out on this adventure, it was really, frankly, all about me. I want a family, I want a child/children, I want to adopt siblings, I’m busy fantasising about how lovely it will be, and whether or not they will be white, black, Asian or mixed race etc. Continue reading

The daily struggles of a non-technophile

I’m trying it hard to find a suitable word to describe myself these days. In the past I have considered myself a luddite, or techno-phobe, but in fact I have realised I embrace quite a lot of technology and systems, and therefore am quite willing to engage with lots of new things, (and have accidentally developed 8 or 9 e-learning courses and learning platforms) however I wouldn’t say that I love technology, and I’m often quite overwhelmed and intimidated by complex technology.

So I don’t know what word best describes me – feel free to suggest some new words I could try out!

This brings me to my latest problems….

Last year when my boiler died, I bought a Nest, which is a smart thermostat type of device. In theory, they will “learn” your habits, predict your heating needs, and save you money and energy, saving the planet and reducing your bills, etcetera.

Except after nearly a year of using it, I am forced to concede that this is utter bullshit.

Continue reading

The Horror

Sometimes, my job is incredibly uplifting and brilliant and I love it. Like the time in the Philippines when every single person in the village wanted to thank me and shake my hand, leaving my hand literally rubbed raw with good wishes from about 600 people…. Or the time I met a young mother with the best smile in the world after she received a cash transfer to help fix her roof.

But sometimes, being an aid worker is hard. Not just gruelling, tiring, exhausting and difficult. Not just because sometimes you’re in a war zone and there’s no electricity and it’s 46 degrees, and you’re sweating so much you wake up three or four times in the night because you’re so thirsty.

No, the hardest part for me is the emotional trauma. Sometimes in this job, even when you are safe in your bubble at headquarters, you hear stories that you cannot unhear, and they haunt you for days. As a naturally empathetic person myself, it’s hard not to be affected sometimes by the brutal tales coming from war zones, conflict and remote areas, and to feel quite deeply affected by those stories. What’s more challenging is that I can’t easily talk about these things with my friends and family, because if these things keep me lying awake at night, I don’t want to bring that kind of horror into the minds of my closest friends or relatives. Not to mention the fact that when visiting friends and family for a fun Christmas holiday, or a rare night out on the town, it’s almost never an appropriate time to start talking about the horrors of war and rape. It’s a massive downer and will almost always spoil the mood and make people uncomfortable.

Now don’t worry or panic here, let me reassure you that we have access to counselling and mental health support at work, so it’s not like there is no one to talk to, and many of my colleagues are good friends that I can talk to, so this blog post is not a desperate cry for help or any such thing. Sometimes I just find it helpful to write things down as a way of processing them. So instead of laying it onto the shoulders of my friends and family, I’m going to put some of the worst and saddest stories I’ve heard recently down here, in my blog, as a cathartic way of talking about them. So think carefully about whether or not you want to read the rest of this post.

Be warned – there are some pretty graphic and awful things in this post, so I will leave it up to you if you want to read on or not. Those of you who decide to read the rest of this post, you might want to have some fun, light-hearted kitten videos lined up on Youtube to cheer you up afterwards…. Continue reading